By the title, I guess you can figure out that I've beaten the Elite Four...which ostensibly means that I am done with the blogging for the games themselves. But it also means that I can focus now on grinding through Platinum and White to get all of these guys out of Gen-III and into my Y.
That sounded filthy.
Unfortunately, however...I sort of beat it accidentally. What does that mean? Well, I started fighting the Elite Four to earn money and level up quickly, but I made sure that I lost by some point so that I didn't have to worry about writing all that shit down for a battle break-down. I got really far in with only one Pokemon left, saved the game and thought to myself, "Eh...I can try to beat it for realsies and if I can't, fuck it, I'll reload, I won't use any of my items, and I'll lose."
Well, I won. So there. Fuck you, Hoenn...thank you, Poke Mart. An ample supply of Full Heals, Revives, and Max Potions (with the occasional Max Ether/Elixir) was what made this possible. So, instead of breaking down the battle move-by-move, I'm gonna try to remember what happened for each Pokemon I faced. If you recall, this was my team of wannabe champions:
I realized, perhaps tragically so, that a Pokemon that knew Earthquake would shatter a good 67% of my team...and a Pokemon with a Fire-type move would shatter a good 67% of my team...and a Pokemon with a Fighting-type move would shatter a good 67% of my team...and I lacked the offensive capacity to deal with Ghosts. So, in an odd shuffle of moves, I ended up with the following set-ups to try not to fuck myself over too badly:
Tropius
(holding Miracle Seed)
Fly
Magical Leaf
Sunny Day
Solar Beam
Aggron
(holding Metal Coat)
Iron Tail
Surf
Earthquake
Dragon Claw
Regice
(holding Quick Claw)
Ice Beam
Amnesia
Strength
Ancient Power
Blaziken
(holding Charcoal)
Slash
Bulk Up
Brick Break
Blaze Kick
Magneton
(holding nothing)
Thunderbolt
Thunder
Rain Dance
Thunder Wave
Slaking
(holding Silk Scarf)
Yawn
Return
Double-Edge
Blizzard
It wasn't bad, considering that I basically squandered my TM early on in the game because I was flying blind and the technology was not yet there to give me reusable TMs...so I was kind of fucked on that front. Also, not having an awesome Gen-VI Experience Share or having the luxury of having only four Pokemon to face per Elite and five for the Champion proved to be difficult as well. Anyway, this is how it went...
Sidney took his like a little bitch. I never had a problem blazing through his team...with Blaziken. Fire and Fighting were such strong allies to me.
I kept my karate fire-chicken for his Mightyena and Absol and they didn't stand a fucking chance, I let my Regice level a little bit by taking out the Shiftry and the Cacturne with single Ice Beams, and the Crawdaunt was easy prey for a Tropius Solar Beam...especially when it took the one turn it had to attack me to use Swords Dance. I always managed to beat Sidney...
...but Phoebe?
Phoebe...that fucking bitch through a wrench into every fucking plan I had.
She would constantly throw out her Dusclops back-to-back to utterly fuck my PP, and from having breed and EV-traineda 5 perfect IV Duskull in Y, I know what kind of defensive capacity they have. What kept blowing so hard was the perfect storm of high Defense and Special Defense, the Pressure ability which makes every move cost double PP, and Protect...which says "Fuck you, your move doesn't do anything".
I started baiting the first Dusclops with my Tropius, hoping that it would go for Protect and I would set up a Sunny Day so that Solar Beam only took one turn to execute. I was running low on PP, so I kept Slaking in the back just in case I needed an unbreakable wall (since the only offensive move that first Duclops knows would not affect Slaking). Yet, Tropius was able to pull it off.
The second Dusclops was the home-wrecker. Can't use Tropius because of Ice Beam, can't use Blaziken, Aggron or Magneton because of Earthquake, and I couldn't use Regice because of Rock Slide. I went with Magneton for a while, since I baited him into attempting moves meant for a Tropius on him and was hoping for surprise paralyzations, but when he fell, I had to actually use Regice to pack that sweet Special Attack into an all-out offensive. Then came the first Banette. I used Aggron for the first one because I knew nothing Banette had offensively would be able to do shit against the megaton monster that is Aggron and that sucker died to a few Iron Tails, but the second Banette wiped him out with Thunderbolt. Apparently, no resistance to electricity...way to go, Aggron. Had to throw in Regice for a bit so that I could revive Magneton, but Regice actually managed to do some damage before dying out. Blaziken took out the second Banette and Magneton came back to kill the Sableye.
Ugh...so much work. I needed to Elixir the fuck out of Tropius and Magneton because I needed their more powerful moves for Glacia.
This...this wasn't even fair at points. She had gotten SO lucky that right after her, I pretty much accepted defeat.
The first Sealeo was easy to kill off with a well-placed Thunder from Magneton, but then she would always reply with Walrein. Surf took out Magneton and Aggron, then Tropius and Slaking...fell to Sheer Cold. SHEER COLD. That move has 30% chance of hitting. Its accuracy is shit...but it fucking landed TWICE IN A ROW, meaning a one-hit knockout for anyone caught in the wake. All I had left was Blaziken. Blaziken managed to beat down EVERY OTHER POKEMON. Blaze Kick was an O.H.K.O. for both Glalie, and the stupid Sealeo let me get off TWO Brick Breaks by attempting to set up Hail before attacking outright.
I saved here, debated whether I could take Drake and Wallace with who I've brought, and pressed on.
I'm actually REALLY proud of how I handled Drake. Half luck, half skill.
So he's gonna lead off with a Shellgon with Protect (awesome...), so I decided to go with Aggron. He was a last-minute decision, but I'm glad I went with it. He stood up to damn near everything Shellgon threw at him and after several Iron Tails and Full Restores, down Shellgon went. I needed to save Regice for when I absolutely needed it. After Shellgon, Drake went straight to Kingdra. I kept Aggron in there to try to get off another Iron Tail, and it worked, but Surf was a destroyer. I knew Magneton was gonna get rocked if Kingdra used Dragon Dance, so I went in with the Thunder Wave to paralyze it and just bombarded that bitch with Thunder until it knocked out my Magneton. Then, I needed to switch to Tropius and pray. I got a free Sunny Day when Kingdra was too paralyzed to move and then immediately took it out with a Solar Beam. Awesome...then I realized that I just set up his Flygon and Salamence with a boost for their Flamethrower attacks. Thank GOD I put the Quick Claw on Regice. One Ice Beam and Flygon dropped, and I kept him in for Salamence. His Flamethrower MISSED. It fucking MISSED. How? Fuck you, that's how! Ice Beam O.H.K.O. When I knew that Altaria was all he had left, it was just one more Ice Beam before I saw Wallace.
This is for the boat, fucker.
A six-Pokemon team...that's something I wasn't really prepared for, thank you GameFreak.
Wailord...thought he would set up a Rain Dance, so I led with Magneton, hoping for a full-accuracy Thunder. It used Water Spout and killed me. Followed with Tropius. Blizzard killed me. It very quickly became the game of sacrifice-to-the-whale-god-in-order-to-revive-Magneton-and-get-those-Thunders-off. Finally took out Wailord...then Gyarados.
He out-sped Magneton and killed him with Surf. Alrighty, it looks like we're sacrificing Pokemon again...such vengeful gods. EVENTUALLY, Magneton took it out. I guess Wallace's A.I. was saying "Fuck this electricity bullshit, send out the catfish"...but I've been WAITING for the catfish! Tropius knocked that bitch back with a single Solar Beam after setting up the Sunny Day, since I don't want these Water-types having it easy.
The Milotic came next and it worried the shit out of me because of Recover...and you all know why I hate that move. Had to eventually switch back to Magneton after that thing hit my Tropius with Ice Beam, and Magneton was able to do the job. But then, I thought I was in the clear...but that fucking dead-eye Tentacruel Hydro Pumped nearly everything on the team. I had to resort to Slaking using Double Edge to finally destroy that fucking tool, but that also meant I could use every other turn to start reviving the fallen.
The one Pokemon that stood between me and completion...was Ludicolo.
Ludi-fucking-colo. Water/Grass...I could use almost anything and do neutral damage. I elected to go with Tropius because I figured he would face the least offensive threat from the sombrero-pineapple.
I will remember this fight until the day I die. I needed to hit this thing with Fly to do the most damage possible, but that attack takes two turns and Ludicolo knows Double Team. It would wait for me to fly into the air, increase its evasiveness, then hit me with a fairly-weak Surf to try to take me out. I got in a few Fly hits, but every time I beat it down to the red area on the health bar, Wallace would use a Full Restore. He had four of those motherfuckers. Eventually, Ludicolo increased his evasiveness all the way and I was just floating on a wing and a prayer for my Fly to hit it at some point.
Then it hit me...
Fly uses one PP and takes two turns. I have over 30 Max Potions. The odds are in my favor that I will eventually hit him if I keep using the same attacks--
Suddenly, Ludicolo stops using Surf after like 15 times and tries to use Leech Seed on me...which doesn't affect Tropius. Then, he tried using Giga Drain, which was weak as shit. "Why isn't he using Surf anymore?" I wondered this for a while--
He's out of PP for Surf! He can run out of PP! Oh my god, that was it! Double Team won't do any damage, Giga Drain will do 1/4 of the intended damage against Tropius, and Leech Seed won't stick...
And Tropius knows Magical Leaf. It's the equivalent of Shock Wave or Swift in the sense that it never misses. Let me repeat that. It NEVER MISSES. I can just wait him out. Keep using Fly and hope for the best, then wait until he has literally no more moves left...then just keep attacking until he falls.
Then...Ludicolo used Struggle, the one action a Pokemon can do after it has no more moves left and always inflicts recoil damage.
Change the music. You know what it's time for, and it's so appropriate that I end my journey this way.
It took me nearly 60 hours of gameplay to get to this point, and I've had to deal with terrible navigation, god-awful grinding, unfairly-lucky opponents, and grinder Pokemon that would Roar or Whirlwind me away from the battle when I was training for the Elite Four. After purposefully losing more times than I can count to earn up enough money to purchase a veritable warehouse of healing items in order to prolong my life for as long as possible, I beat the final Pokemon...the Ludicolo...
...by using the Sabrina technique. With no moves left in Ludicolo's arsenal and no Full Restores left in Wallace's bag, all I had to do was use Magical Leaf to slowly chip away at the enemy health bar until it hit zero.
It's so rewarding to use your worst enemy's technique for humiliating you to achieve ultimate victory.
I guess that's it, then. I've captured Groudon, Kyogre and Rayquaza, I hunted down Latios, and I knocked the shit out of the Puzzle House dude; I've conquered the earliest game where I could still save my Pokemon for later generations. You know, I should nickname the Pokemon who got me through this tough as shit game...sort of as a reward for their efforts, but as a way to remember our journey.
Regice...you're sticking with being called Regice. There's only one of you and you can't breed, so there won't be more of you unless I try to play through the fucking game again in order to catch me a Treecko and a Latias (which I might do, since SoulSilver will give me my Mudkip). But for now, you're the one and only, Regice.
Aggron...I really had no idea how to use you. I mean, you were a pain in the ass to level up and you didn't get a whole lot of play later on, but man, you were adorable once and you pulled it together when I needed an unexpected oddball to take out the occasional Dragon or Ghost. Reminiscent of a failed FireRed run I did wherein my prized Nidorino named "Kaiju" fell to a fucking Raticate, I shall call you...Slattern.
Magneton...in a world where getting a decent Electric-type was like pulling teeth from the mouth of a chattering dingo, you were a savior. Your quick Speed and super Special Attack made you an incredibly important asset ever since Mauville City. But for fuck's sake, you're x4 weak to Ground...the ONLY WEAKNESS FOR ELECTRIC-TYPES. And you can't evolve into Magnezone until Gen-IV. But still, I love you. I'm gonna call you...Thunderp...because x4 weak to Ground. Get it together.
Slaking...you were the WORST. I mean, the WORST to level up from the beginning. Slakoth? SLAKOTH?!? It's one of the reasons Tom Cedar treats that thing more like a pet than he does a fighter. Truant is the most crippling goddamned ability in the game, and until you leveled to Vigoroth, you were an incredible burden. But once you became that behemoth with the single-highest Attack stat in the game that belonged to any NON-legendary Pokemon, you wrecked house. Sadly, you were a girl, so I kept getting put off by your name being Slaking. If we have Nidoking and Nidoqueen, you deserve to be called...Slakween.
Tropius...you were a delightful surprise indeed. I never expected much from you, and I figured that teaching you Sunny Day, Fly, and Solar Beam would cripple your offensive capabilities. You were more instrumental in taking down the Elite Four and Wallace than any other Pokemon in my party, and for that, you get a very special recognition. To signify your superiority and your grace, I will name your...Chiquita Banana...but since that's way too long for the game to handle, we'll settle for Chiquita.
Blaziken...what is there left to say? You were there from the beginning and you served as a crutch for the rest of the team. Your Speed was unmatched, your Attack daunting, and your timing impeccable, since you were able to catch all of the best TMs right as I got them, namely Bulk Up and Brick Break. You had Peck for a while, but that needed to step aside for a more impressive Slash. I've used your kind to great success in Y, and I'm sure that even despite your lack of Speed Boost, you are a credit to your species. I thank you, Blaziken. For slaughtering more foes than any other Pokemon I've owned in this game, I give you the name of one of your race's mortal enemies. You shall be known as...Sanders.
Oh...and if you were all wondering, since I beat the game...
...does that mean I found it?
...
...
...
Yep. I found it...
...and it's technically called a "cloaca".
Blaziken, lvl 50
Magneton, lvl 49
Tropius, lvl 48
Regice, lvl 45
Aggron, lvl 45
Slaking, lvl 44
Pokedex: 76, Badges: 8
