Oh shit, a Good Rod. Yeah, I'll be all about that in a little bit, but from what I've seen so far, Hoenn has Water-types coming out the ass, so there isn't an immediate need for fishing in my opinion.
Now, I just gotta figure out where to go to get to the next town--
Motherfucking newscasters again? Jesus Christ, these people...
All you brought to the table was a Magnemite and a Loudred? Bitch, I'm sporting a Breloom and a Blaziken in this party. Do you think you stand a fucking chance? I don't think you do.
NO I DON'T WANT TO GET FUCKING INTERVIEWED. GO AWAY.
Wait...was that just Steven goddamned Stone? Just ran up, said hello, and ran off again? And you poor-ass journalists are talking to me when the reclusive-ass former Pokemon League Champion just flew passed you?! Get your shit together, stupid.
Okay...up or right? Up goes to Route 119, and right goes to Route 123...let me just check the right for a second.
Great...one-way route. I guess I'm going up then--
Yeah, if I don't use the damn Pokemon because it's worthless and it's more useful evolved form comes out of the wild to play, that other bullshit Pokemon that I caught is getting released A.S.A.P. Welcome to the team, Manectric.
Manectric, lvl 26
Gender: Male
Nature: Lax
Ability: Static
HP: 79
Attack: 44
Defense: 46
Special Attack: 63
Special Defense: 36
Speed: 67
Shit, that is some tall-ass grass, son...and it's goddamned raining? Well, I was going to see if I could get some experience for Aron, but the weather dictates that I should focus on Tentacool for the time being.
Just kill a few bugs and ba-BOOM. Sea demon.
Tentacruel, lvl 33
HP: 105
Attack: 55
Defense: 54
Special Attack: 63
Special Defense: 88
Speed: 77
Bad motherfucker right here. Ain't nobody gonna say shit now.
Also, before I go any further...somebody better call fucking animal control or some shit in that house up there. Shit is full of Wingulls and that can't be fucking legal.
Christ, this path is long.
Also tedious. It is also very fucking tedious.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET ME TO THE NEXT TOWN--!
What is this thing? "Weather Institute"...and a bunch of Team Aqua grunts are telling me to stay out?
Fuck y'all. Going in.
A Pokemon that controls the weather that they're after? I know that Castform changes in response to the weather, but I don't think it controls the weather...does it? I don't fucking know. This is all new shit to me.
Hey, who the hell are you?
Aqua Admin Shelly? Fantastic. Say, are you sporting predominantly Dark-type Pokemon? You are...awesome. Why?
No reason.
Alright, I have rescued the scientists by defeating your leader. Now what the fuck you gonna do?
Run off to Mount Pyre because that's where Team Magma is? Okaaaay. This is starting to get a little tired. I mean, are we gonna actually see either of the teams do something interesting soon? Please?
Oooh, scientists gave me a Castform! Yay...I think. I have no idea how to properly use this fucker in battle, so I'll figure something out later.
Castform, lvl 25
Gender: Female
Nature: Bashful
Ability: Forecast
HP: 73
Attack: 40
Defense: 46
Special Attack: 42
Special Defense: 47
Speed: 45
You have three weather-altering moves and one Ice-type move...yet you are holding Mystic Water? Yeah, that's not gonna fly. Give that shit up. Gonna give it to the bad motherfucker.
Don't feel bad, Castform. You're the closest thing to an Ice-type that I have, and you may be the only thing along those lines for some time, so you get to stick around for a bit.
Alright, let's head up and try to find--
You are kidding me, right?
ROUND ONE:
Kevin's Aron, lvl 29 vs. May's Lombre, lvl 29
Yeah, this shit's not happening. SWAP!
Kevin's Tentacruel, lvl 33 vs. May's Lombre, lvl 29
It's raining and I've got the advantage thanks to the Poison typing. Eat it.
Lombre's Fake Out does very little damage, and my retaliatory Facade takes more than a third of it's health away.
Nature Power? This should be interesting, considering that it's raining, this might--
Swift. Very original, Game Freak. Fucking what. 88/105 health left on the badass, but one swift Acid drops this Mexican motherfucker like a bag of hammers.
ROUND TWO:
Kevin's Breloom, lvl 27 vs. May's Marshtomp, lvl 31
Always pack Grass when traveling through Hoenn. Shit is like Atlantis.
Bullet Seed takes her starter into the yellow, and considering it only hit twice, things are looking up for me.
Mud Shot does very little damage, so I--
And a Take Down? Well fuck me crooked. Only 12 HP left. Guess I gotta Mega Drain...
Yeah, you done. Next?
ROUND THREE:
Kevin's Tentacruel, lvl 33 vs. May's Slugma, lvl 29
None of this is going to end well for you. Surf.
End of discussion. Now, let me just--
...
...
...
...is this what I think it is?
...
...
...
HM 02: FLY, MOTHERFUCKER! HELLS YEAH! AIN'T NOTHING GONNA STOP ME NOW, GODDAMN IT! I'M KING OF THE SKIES--!!
...
...
...
I need the badge from Fortree City to use it outside of battle?
FOR
FUCK'S
SAKE!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S IN MY GODDAMNED HANDS!!!!!!
GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
...
...
...
...soon, my precious. Soon.
That would lead me to believe that the next gym might have something to do with Flying-types, I think? Not sure. I thought I heard something along those lines, so I'll play it safe and construct a team accordingly--
NOT NOW SCOTT I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT FLY IS ON THE LINE GODDAMN IT WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF SO HARD YOU FALL OFF A CLIFF AND DIE!
Blaziken, lvl 37
Tentacruel, lvl 33
Graveler, lvl 32
Aron, lvl 29
Castform, lvl 25
Magnemite, lvl 25
Pokedex: 47, Badges: 5
