Fortree City Gym: Winona, the Not-Falkner
If you thought for one second that I was going to face off against a Flying-type gym leader and NOT mention that sad sack of shit back in Violet City, my friend, you have dicks in your brains.
ROUND ONE:
Kevin's Castform, lvl 27 vs. Winona's Swablu, lvl 29
I decided to lead with Castform just because I had no idea what Winona had up her sleeve, but an Ice-type Pokemon that is comparatively weaker to the rest of my team seemed to be a smart choice as the vanguard.
Let's get the weather brewing, Castform. Hail!
Mirror Move? I...um...okay?
Now, use Powder Snow! Not bad! A little over half of its health left, but the hail will definitely--
Mirror Move again? I'm an Ice-type in a hailstorm. What the fuck are you doing?
Powder Snow again, I guess. That will take Swablu well below half-health. Now, if we can--
Fucking Mirror Move?! Whyyyyyyyyyy? I don't know why this is happening--
And a Hyper Potion from Winona. Of fucking course. If you can't knock it out in one hit, you can bet your dick that the leader has a potion ready for the big one-two-fuck-you.
Square-One again...so let's keep the Powder Snow going--
STOP USING MIRROR MOVE! I'M NOT FRUSTRATED AT THIS POINT; I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU!
Hail stopped. Shit...gotta redo that. If I just use Powder Snow, not only will I not get the stab and environmental boosts to the attack power, but if that damn bird uses Mirror Move one more fucking time, I won't have the better defenses against it.
Mirror Move failed because you tried to mimic Hail while it's hailing. Of course it fucking failed, you feathery twat. I've had enough of this shit.
Powder Snow takes out Swablu. I am not relying on Castform anymore for this fucking battle. Takes too goddamned long.
ROUND TWO:
Kevin's Blaziken, lvl 38 vs. Winona's Skarmory, lvl 31
My Fire-type beats your Steel-type, your Flying-type beats my Fighting-type. I got the higher Attack, you got the higher Defense. I guess it's just gonna come down to Speed then--
Oh, and it's still hailing, but since Blaziken is a Fire/Fighting, that shit is nothing to him.
Whoop whoop! Blaze Kick hits first and Skarmory crumbles like an old cookie! That's what I'm talking about! No potions! Next?
ROUND THREE:
Kevin's Blaziken, lvl 38 vs. Winona's Tropius, lvl 31
More hail. I bet that shit really hurts a Grass/Flying Pokemon, eh Tropius? Not as much as...
...a BLAZE KICK IN THE BANANA-CHIN! Knock-out!
ROUND FOUR:
Kevin's Magneton, lvl 30 vs. Winona's Pelipper, lvl 30
Could not risk literally half of my team against this speedy blue-and-white devil, so I gotta go with a Pokemon I've never actually used in any of my play-throughs before: Magneton.
Spark is a one-hit K.O. Memo to self: Magneton does not suck anymore.
ROUND FIVE:
Kevin's Lairon, lvl 32 vs. Winona's Altaria, lvl 33
Holy shit, she has a Dragon/Flying type! Brava, Winona. Falkner can go eat shit every time he tries to say something relevant to Flying-type Pokemon trainers. All the kudos, girl. Let's see how this one pans out--
Earthquake? From a FLYING-TYPE?!?! What the shit?!!? Holy hell, Lairon's down to 25/86 health!
Rock Tomb! Do it now!
Okay, Altaria's hurt, but it's still in the green...but it's Speed dropped! Can we do it?
YES! Two Rock Tombs in a row--!
Fuck, it's still hanging in there. Goddamn it.
Earthquake sends Lairon back into the dirt from whence it came. I know the next one is a gamble, but come on: if you're going up against a Flying-type gym, you pack Rock-types, Ice-types, and Electric-types. Do you know what fucks that hard in the asshole? Ground-type attacks. If only I had my Zapdos or Articuno from Red, I'd be golden. But I don't, so...
ROUND SIX:
Kevin's Graveler, lvl 33 vs. Winona's Altaria, lvl 33
Of course the damned cloud-bird eats an Oran Berry right off the bat--
And of COURSE Winona uses another Hyper Potion! Kudos still, but go fuck yourself--
Wait...that means I get two consecutive moves if I'm the faster Pokemon! Oh ho, you bitch, you are so done!
Graveler? I think you know what must be done...
Rollout hits once.
Then immediately again. Altaria is way in the yellow.
Graveler survives the incoming Earthquake with 37/81 health remaining. Enough to deliver the final Rollout.
And that's all she wrote, son. Good battle, but I'm better. Sorry...that's just the way the world works.
TM 40 teaches Aerial Ace, and I think I know who gets to learn this and Fly.
Join me, my old friend! Join me as we soar through the heavens and learn what it means to truly be free!
Blaziken, lvl 39
Graveler, lvl 33
Lairon, lvl 32
Pelipper, lvl 32
Magneton, lvl 30
Vigoroth, lvl 22
Pokedex: 52, Badges: 6
No comments:
Post a Comment