OAK: This is the moment you've all been waiting for, Poke-manics! The Pokemon have been selected, the trainers are ready, and the audience has been waiting far too long! On behalf of WPKM, I, Professor Samuel Oak, am proud to give you...
FUCK, I vs. SANDY
OAK: Here we go! The stage is set, the combatants are ready, DJ Mary is out on the field...and the first balls have been thrown out for Round One of the first battle!
ROUND ONE:
Fuck, I's Dugtrio, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Pidgeot, lvl 70
MARY: Oh, that is not a good start for Fuck, I.
OAK: Indeed. It wasn't very likely that Sandy would have started the match with Pidgeot, but something tells me that this a great execution of reverse-psychology.
MARY: Dugtrio has the Speed advantage and claws into Pidgeot with a Slash attack, bring Sandy's Pokemon down to 198/245 Hit Points.
OAK: And it looks like Pidgeot has just flown up into the air. Of course, in response, Fuck, has Dugtrio prepare to use his Dig attack, giving Dugtrio just a little more time on the field.
MARY: Both attacks are unsuccessful; Fly misses and Dig is ineffective against the Flying-type Pidgeot.
OAK: Both champions now realize that two of their most powerful attacks cannot be used to do damage so long as Dugtrio has the upper hand in Speed.
MARY: Pidgeot wails into Dugtrio with a Wing Attack, and Dugtrio promptly responds with a Slash...the exchange is repeated, with a Wing Attack from Pidgeot and a Slash from Dugtrio...and Dugtrio falls after another swift hit from Pidgeot's Wing Attack--!
OAK: Mary, there seems to be some commotion out on the field. What's going on?
MARY: Apparently, a Poke Ball was accidentally dropped from Fuck, I's hand and is being counted as an officially called Pokemon!
OAK: Being clumsy after your first battle loss is not the way to win the match, but the judges are saying that Fuck, I must play the Poke Ball as it lays, so to speak. Let's hope it won't be too detrimental.
ROUND TWO:
Fuck, I's Zapdos, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Pidgeot, lvl 70
MARY: Well, that certainly turned out fortunate for Fuck, I!
OAK: Yes indeed, and with only 104 Hit Points left from her total, Pidgeot would appear to be a sitting duck--
MARY: Oh! The skies open up and Zapdos connects with a powerful Thunder attack, sending Pidgeot out of this match! The match is currently tied at five remaining Pokemon for each of our champions, all with full health. Let's see how Sandy responds to his first encounter with a legendary bird.
ROUND THREE:
Fuck, I's Zapdos, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Jynx, lvl 70
OAK: A solid choice from Sandy, and an easy way to lure out his opponent's Charizard for an early defeat, if Fuck, I takes the bait, of course.
MARY: Zapdos has the Speed advantage on this one and brings Jynx down to 81/200 Hit Points with a very powerful Drill Peck.
OAK: And I see that Jynx has responded with Icy Wind, as opposed to the more powerful Ice Punch or Blizzard. That should take Zapdos down to 127/247 Hit Points--
MARY: And Jynx connects again with an Ice Punch and takes down Zapdos!
OAK: Incredible! Sandy must have known that Zapdos' advantage over Jynx in Speed was very little, so if he could reduce his opponent's Speed by just enough, Jynx could attack twice before Zapdos was able to respond to the one-two punch!
MARY: Fuck, I is carefully going over his remaining Pokemon. Does he want to send out Charizard now? Let's see...
ROUND FOUR:
Fuck, I's Kabutops, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Jynx, lvl 70
MARY: Oh, an interesting choice here, Professor!
OAK: Indeed! Kabutops definitely packs a punch to take Jynx out and the resistance to survive most Ice-type attacks, but Jynx has the Speed advantage--
MARY: Kabutops has just fallen asleep! Jynx used Lovely Kiss and now Kabutops can't attack until it wakes up!
OAK: This is a classic strategy from Sandy. Let's see how he uses the time he's been given.
MARY: Wow, three Ice Punches in a row! Kabutops is left at just 56 Hit Points from his original 195!
OAK: Oh, it looks like Kabutops is finally waking up!
MARY: Oh my, that Slash attack sure did the trick! Jynx is down! Jynx is out of the match!
OAK: Indeed! Kabutops definitely packs a punch to take Jynx out and the resistance to survive most Ice-type attacks, but Jynx has the Speed advantage--
MARY: Kabutops has just fallen asleep! Jynx used Lovely Kiss and now Kabutops can't attack until it wakes up!
OAK: This is a classic strategy from Sandy. Let's see how he uses the time he's been given.
MARY: Wow, three Ice Punches in a row! Kabutops is left at just 56 Hit Points from his original 195!
OAK: Oh, it looks like Kabutops is finally waking up!
MARY: Oh my, that Slash attack sure did the trick! Jynx is down! Jynx is out of the match!
ROUND FIVE:
Fuck, I's Kabutops, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 70
OAK: Sandy sends out his starting Pokemon, Feraligatr. I can see where he's going to go with this. Feraligatr has Kabutops on Speed and he has one attack that can end Kabutop's participation in this battle rather swftly.
MARY: And there it is, Professor! Earthquake! Kabutops can't handle the heat and is no longer able to battle!
OAK: Now, Fuck, I has a very important decision to make: does he send out Mewtwo now, or wait?
MARY: If he was smart, he would not try to send out Charizard until Feraligatr was out of the picture.
ROUND SIX:
Fuck, I's Articuno, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 70
OAK: Articuno definitely has the upper hand here; Surf and Ice Punch won't be very effective, and Earthquake won't have any effect at all. Feraligatr will have to rely on Return.
MARY: It won't hit on this turn, though, since Articuno has just flown up high into the sky! We can see where this is going.
OAK: And Articuno's Fly attack hits! 193/248 Hit Points remaining for Feraligatr.
MARY: Oh, it doesn't look as though Return is going to help Feraligatr too much in this battle. Sandy's gonna have to work hard and come up with a new strategy.
OAK: Articuno hits with an Ice Beam and takes Feraligatr down to 150/248 Hit Points.
MARY: Return hits again and Articuno is down to 124/243 Hit Points. This may end up working for Feraligatr, so long as he can survive the hits from Articuno.
OAK: Articuno looks like it's gearing up for another Fly attack.
MARY: That's right, Professor. It evades another Return attack and comes down hard, bringing Feraligatr down to only 94 Hit Points--
OAK: Wait, what is this?!
MARY: Surf! It's Feraligatr's Surf! Sandy must be waiting for Articuno to come down to within range for Feraligatr to hit it hard with a Water-type attack!
OAK: This is certainly the way to go here!
MARY: Wait...is Articuno flying up again? Why isn't Fuck, I hitting hard with Blizzard?
OAK: I don't think Fuck, I sees what Sandy's doing. Besides, Blizzard is a risky maneuver with its low accuracy, and Fly still has a chance.
MARY: Well, Articuno swoops down...and Feraligatr is still in it! He only 41 Hit Points but he's still in it!
OAK: That's all the opening Sandy needs!
MARY: There goes the Surf attack, and there goes Articuno!
OAK: An outstanding display of endurance! We thought Articuno might be the one to take down Feraligatr if it came down to it, but boy were we mistaken!
ROUND SEVEN:
Fuck, I's Charizard, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Feraligatr, lvl 70
MARY: What is Fuck, I doing?!
OAK: Ha! I'm really proud of Fuck, I for this one! He's studied his opponent when Sandy fought Lance and he remembered that Charizard has Feraligatr beat when it comes to Speed; that's been a continuous mistake from Sandy, and he's going to lose a strong competitor here in a way reminiscent of that mistake.
MARY: Charizard uses Strength and Feraligatr has fallen! But Fuck, I isn't out of the woods just yet!
ROUND EIGHT:
Fuck, I's Charizard, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 70
OAK: Sandy definitely has the type-advantage here, but that Charizard packs a punch and it's going to hit first.
MARY: And pack a punch, Charizard does! Fire Blast knocks Ampharos down to 126/247 Hit Points.
OAK: Will Sandy risk the accuracy for the power?
MARY: It looks like he will...and it hits! Thunder hits--!
OAK: Oh my word, Charizard is taken down in one shot! Such power!
MARY: Sandy may have three Pokemon left on his team, but Fuck, I only has the one, and this could be a major turning point.
ROUND NINE:
Fuck, I's Mewtwo, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Ampharos, lvl 70
OAK: And there it is. Mewtwo is finally out onto the battlefield.
MARY: Mewtwo is much faster than Ampharos, and it shows with its lightning-fast Psychic attack, leaving Ampharos with just 24 Hit Points left.
OAK: Sandy seems to know that Ampharos doesn't have much of a chance against Mewtwo, so he has to resort to thinking ahead. Flash blinds Mewtwo and lowers his accuracy...but it doesn't look like it's been lowered enough.
MARY: Psychic hits again and Ampharos is down!
OAK: Now...is Sandy going to use Alakazam and go for the kill quickly, or try to use Magmar to make Alakazam's job easier?
ROUND TEN:
Fuck, I's Mewtwo, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Magmar, lvl 70
MARY: Sandy decided to go with Magmar! Let's see how he fairs against this powerhouse of a Pokemon...
OAK: Mewtwo unleashes a massive Hyper Beam and very nearly destroys Magmar! He's only got 77/201 Hit Points left, but Magmar now has two attacks. Let's hope Sandy uses this time wisely.
MARY: Magmar pelts Mewtwo with two consecutive Flamethrower attacks, bringing Mewtwo down to 93/273 Hit Points, but Sandy can't get his hopes up if Mewtwo still has the chance to attack.
OAK: Fuck, I takes this time to have Mewtwo use Recover, and Mewtwo regains a massive amount of Hit Points. 229/273 after Recover is nothing to shake a finger at.
MARY: Magmar keeps at it with another Flamethrower, knocking Mewtwo down to 136/273 Hit Points, and--wait a second. Something is wrong with Mewtwo! It looks like he's hurt bad...could it be--?
OAK: Mewtwo has been burned! This is a major turning point! This cannot be healed as a result of Recover and there is no way for Fuck, I to cure Mewtwo of the burn! This is going to peck away at Mewtwo every time it moves!
MARY: This is completely unexpected! Mewtwo takes out Magmar with a focused Psychic attack, but this is exactly what Alakazam needs to secure the victory!
FINAL ROUND:
Fuck, I's Mewtwo, lvl 70 vs. Sandy's Alakazam, lvl 70
OAK: Mewtwo starts the battle off with another Recover, but because of the burn, it can only heal it back up to 238 Hit Points. This is going to cripple Mewtwo's healing ability.
MARY: The Shadow Ball from Alakazam hits, and in addition to the burn, Mewtwo is knocked down to 174/273 Hit Points--
OAK: Mewtwo unleashes a Hyper Beam once again, but will it be enough?
MARY: Alakazam is hurting...but he's still in it!
OAK: This could be it for Fuck, I! Mewtwo needs time to recharge, but in all that time, Alakazam is going to strike twice and that burn is going to really takes its toll.
MARY: Sandy hits again with Alakazam's Shadow Ball and Mewtwo is not looking good!
OAK: This will be a tremendous upset if Sandy can pull this off!
MARY: Mewtwo is still recharging, the burn is still raging, and Alakazam blasts Mewtwo with another Shadow Ball. If this doesn't take down Mewtwo, that's gonna be the opportunity for Mewtwo to Recover and turn the tides.
OAK: The Shadow Ball hits...
MARY: ...
OAK: ...
MARY: ...
OAK: Mewtwo has fallen! Sandy has won the first round of the Battle of Champions!
MARY: Wow, that sure was exhilarating!
OAK: Fuck, I's going to need to win the next two battle back-to-back if he's going to want to win this thing, which is not out of his grasp.
MARY: The competitors are taking their injured Pokemon over to the nurses from the local Pokemon Center for healing and will be right back at it in just a little while.
OAK: We'll take a short break and when we return, part two of Fuck, I versus Sandy!
FUCK, I vs. SANDY
0 to 1
No comments:
Post a Comment