FIX THIS SHIT!

Shopping time! Shopping time! Buy some shit with shopping time!

Most of it's fucking decorations, so whatever...Ultra Balls and Full Heals.  I wish there was a better way to grow berries so I don't have to deal with Full Heals, but fuck, gardening is so shitty.

TM 38? What the hell is TM 38? It says it's a fiery attack that can burn someone, so...I guess I'll take it?

...

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FIRE BLAST!!!! FUCKING YES!!!!

The symbol for victory is this! Gonna save this shit for someone who deserves that majesty.

Vending machines on the roof? Thirsty guy? Oh, I know how this one turns out--!

...

I CAN'T GIVE IT TO HIM?!? I BOUGHT ALL THREE DRINKS AND CAN'T EVEN GIVE ONE TO HIM! DICKS! Something has to be wrong here.  If I try again later and that shit still don't work, I will put my fist through a building.

YOU!

FIX THIS SHIT!

Great, no more Rock Smash and no more Cut.  Now I have to fish and find a Luvdisc so I can teach this guy Slash.  Flying away.

Let's do this.

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So here's a question: why did Gen-III utterly rape the fishing system and turn it into a fucking mini-game? I don't need this.  I just want a Luvdisc--

Wait.

Wait.

Fucking wait.

Level 19?

You...get the fuck over here.

Magikarp, lvl 19

I'm not giving you the stats on this thing.  Nobody gives a shit about the stats of a fucking Magikarp.  You'll get the stats when fish-fuck evolves.

Hold on...why the fuck aren't there Luvdisc? Is there something I'm doing wrong?

Oh...I need a Super Rod.  Well, cocks in the mouth, Vigoroth still gonna suck.  Regardless, Magikarp was worth it.  This bitch gonna get the Experience Share for now, just for a bit--

GYARADOS IS GONNA GET THE FIRE BLAST.  DONE.

You know what? I kinda want to check out this contest thing.

You know what else? Big fucking mistake.  Listen up.  Look at these fuckers here and tell me which one you think is the toughest:

If you guessed Aron, well fuck you, you're on the same drugs as the judges.  Blaziken is a fucking beast, but apparently, his rape-machine move-set is either "cool" or "beautiful", so he came in fucking third.  Yet, Graveler only has "tough" moves, so let's try this again.

Did you predict that bullshit acorn butt-plug would win? Fuck this bullshit.  What else does Lilycove have to offer?

A port for a ferry that leads to Slateport? Oh, I completely forgot about that.  And look, a little coastal area.  I can walk along the beach and--

HOLY CHRIST! EVERYTHING FUCKING STOP! THIS IS BEING DEALT WITH NOW!

MOVE TUTOR!

FIX THIS SHIT!

Aww, yeah, motherfuckers! Now shit got real! And just for kicks, taught him Strength to fill in that extra move slot, because I sure as shit don't plan on using Mightyena anytime soon.  Now I guess it's time to check out that weird little pier below the Safari Zone and where that leads--

Don't you fucking tempt me!

Blaziken, lvl 39

Graveler, lvl 33

Pelipper, lvl 33

Lairon, lvl 32

Vigoroth, lvl 31

Magneton, lvl 30

Pokedex: 53, Badges: 6