Why DId You Do This To Me?!?

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

I hate this shit.

Hey, closure--

FUCK, they got away! Oh well, time to kick some ass and see what else this place has to offer--

Hold the MOTHERFUCKING PHONE! I got this shit! I GOT this shit now! Oh, y'all motherfuckers are boned--

Hold on...

Where in the flying fuck am I supposed to use this thing? THERE ARE 10 LEGENDARY POKEMON IN THIS GENERATION! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?! I need like...9 more Master Balls.  Five minimum.

Fuck this.  I'm moving on for now.

I'm hoping this is the way to get to the next gym-city, because I literally have nowhere else to go and all the Wailords have left the blockade.

Woo, there we go.  There is definitely a gym here, but I have no idea what the hell to expect from it.  Let's use some clues to figure this shit out.

The locals say that Fighting-types are not good for this gym...so that would mean either Psychic or Flying, and I've already seen a Flying-type gym.  Looks like I picked a good time to raise Kadabra with  Shadow Ball.

Let's see what else I can find out...

Super Rod.  Awesome, but not the thing I'm looking for right now--

OOH, I CAN CATCH LUVDISC NOW--!

Focus, stupid.

Wait...there are TWO gym leaders?! Is this...is this gonna be a double battle? Oh, that changes everything.

Hey, guy, what do you know about--?

Oh, well, thank you for this, but--

Wait, Steven Stone gave this to you? Hold on, where is he?

Space Center? Alright, why not?

Got anything for me? Nope? Well, fuck you, too, buddy.

Back to researching the gym.

"Mystic".  The sign says "mystic".  I think that's the final nail in the coffin.  So, let's just take a gander at the gym for real now.

Weird-ass fucking puzzles, huh? Okay...I need to think this through.  I am potentially facing a tag-battle with a Psychic duo, and most of the Psychic types I've seen lately in this game are either Ground or Rock subtypes--

Oh.

OH.

OH I HAVE A PLAN!

Oh, it is such a dirty, dirty plan! I...I have a link cable to find.

For, you see...I've been playing this game during my lunch breaks from work and on the car rides up to the New York Renaissance Faire every weekend, and it was just brought to my attention that one of the fellow cast members has not only a Gameboy Advance...but Sapphire, as well.  Get ready, motherfuckers...because I thought this shit was impossible.

Machamp, lvl 30

Gender: Male

Nature: Naive

Ability: Guts

HP: 99

Attack: 86

Defense: 59

Special Attack: 51

Special Defense: 50

Speed: 42

Trade-evolutions, bitches!

Golem, lvl 33

Gender: Female

Nature: Careful

Ability: Rock Head

HP: 98

Attack: 79

Defense: 92

Special Attack: 47

Special Defense: 57

Speed: 43

There's no way for me to find a Gastly or a Haunter in Emerald, but there is one thing I can still acquire.

Vulpix, lvl 31

Gender: Female

Nature: Naive

Ability: Synchronize

HP: 84

Attack: 40

Defense: 41

Special Attack: 96

Special Defense: 58

Speed: 97

You see, now that I have an Alakazam, and now that's he's learned Skill Swap, Recover, and Shadow Ball, he is going to team up with Slaking, take away his Truant ability, and let her wreck house.  Meanwhile, Gyarados is gonna sit in back and wait with Pelipper in case shit goes down, Surf is gonna hit the gym and it's gonna hit hard.

So get ready...

...because I'm going to fuck you bastards up.

Blaziken, lvl 40

Slaking, lvl 40

Magneton, lvl 34

Pelipper, lvl 33

Gyarados, lvl 32

Alakazam, lvl 31

Pokedex: 63, Badges: 6

P.S. - Are you confused because the Pokedex has one more entry than I've accounted for? I used a Gardevoir to do the transfer trades.  Kirlia can suck my ass.  She ain't getting my time.  Not yet.  Not until I get into later generations and really need a Gardevoir of my own.