Plan This Shit Out

Alright...so who exactly is the Elite Four in Hoenn? I don't think we're looking at the Bruno/Lance crew, so let's do some research and plan this out--

Oh, I'm sorry.  Do you not like the idea of me researching my opponents and building a team based on my competition in order to best defeat them? Well check the calendar, fuck-head.

This shit is coming out in three days and I can't be bothered to waste more time than I need to on Emerald.  I want to play this shit! So...who's first?

Name: Sidney

Placement in Elite Four Roster: First

Type Specialty: Dark-type Pokemon

It looks like Blaziken can take out a majority of these folks with a Fighting-type move like Brick Break, and for Crawdaunt, I may just have to switch to Magneton.  It would appear as though Crawdaunt can only attack with a Water-type or Normal-type attack, so Magneton is definitely going to be a major blocker.  As for Mightyena, I want Blaziken to survive, so I may throw Machamp in there first just to take the Intimidate penalties.  Just gotta take down Mightyena before Roar kicks in.  I don't feel too worried about Sidney, but I will definitely want to train/explore before taking him on. 

Next?

Name: Phoebe

Placement in Elite Four Roster: Second

Type Specialty: Ghost-type Pokemon

This is going to be more of a fucking problem.  Slaking is right out, and so is Machamp.  I'm thinking I may need to bring Lairon up to Aggron for this fight, since Steel-types will be fucking monstrous against her team.  None of them have the ability Levitate, so Ground-type attacks will still be solid.  Okay...gotta get an Aggron and I think most of my problems will be solved.  I may want to hold onto Slaking just to Yawn out the last Dusclops so that he can't throw Earthquake my way, since that would be terrible.

Next?

Name: Glacia

Placement in Elite Four Roster: Third

Type Specialty: Ice-type Pokemon

Wow, this team is kind of depressing in a catch-more-Pokemon-for-fuck's-sake kind of way.  Doesn't look too imposing.  Magneton for the walruses, Blaziken for whatever the fuck a Glalie is.  If Sheer Cold or Explosion hits, however, it could get pretty messy.

Next?

Name: Drake

Placement in Elite Four Roster: Fourth

Type Specialty: Dragon-type Pokemon

Goddamn it! I really need a fast Ice-type, but I have no idea where the hell to find one! With so many x4-weakness-to-Ice Pokemon on this team, I can't afford not to have one.  Maybe I can teach Gyarados something icy, but I am sure as shit not using Castform here.  I haven't run into a Dragon-type either in any capacity, so that goes out the window.  Fuck...I'll have to think about this one a little longer.

Who's last?

Name: Wallace

Placement in Elite Four Roster: Champion

Type Specialty: Water-type Pokemon

Wait...Wallace is the Champion? Okay, so Water-types.  Easy enough...no Blaziken and no Aggron if I can get him.  Magneton is a definite until we hit Whiscash, at which point I may need Slaking or Tropius.  Everything else seems pretty solid.  Definitely want Magneton for Milodic and Tentacruel.

Okay...so what Pokemon did I say I wanted to use?

Fuck.

Okay...so, if we assume the fact that Machamp is really just a back-up for Sidney's Mightyena, we can eliminate him.  Sorry dude, but you can't help us much further.

Okay, this is looking like a more solid team, but Christ, I really don't need Gyarados.  I mean, I only really need him if he learns an Ice-type move, and considering I haven't found a single Ice-type TM in the game yet, there's a very strong chance that once I have it, I might as well just teach it to Slaking.  Oh, but that means Drake will have two turns on every one of Slaking's.  Shit! I really need a powerful Ice-type, but I haven't seen once besides Castform this entire fucking game! They've been as elusive as the legnedaries--

Wait a second! Regice has the highest base Special-Defense in the fucking world right now! Furthermore, if I figure out where the Ice Beam TM is, he'll be a wrecking machine on Drake!

Now THAT looks like a team of fucking champions! Well-balanced, powerful, and a solid variety in the move-sets.

All I have to do know is figure out where the fuck the legendary golems are and I can get to work on building that team up.

Rock, Steel, and Ice...are all weak to Fighting? Holy shit! Machamp!

Machamp, you have one last job to do for me, then you may retire.  Hunt down these golems and bring them to their knees!

Let's go, bro.

Blaziken, lvl 40

Slaking, lvl 40

Magneton, lvl 38

Tropius, lvl 36

Machamp, lvl 35

Gyarados, lvl 33

Pokedex: 63, Badges: 8