Now I can finally slow down a bit and take in the full clusterfuckery that is Route 110. I mean...like...why is it? Look at what it is, and then ask why it is it?
Also, if you're curious about that little shifty house down there, it's the Trick House. Sounds dirty as fuck, but the dude inside gave me this after I beat the shit out of the trainers inside:
Yeah, motherfuckers, you know what that shit is! Rare Candy time! Slakoth, you gonna get to Vigoroth a lot quicker now, but I'm gonna wait for just the right time.
This is a new area, I should see what kind of new--
FUCKING FINALLY! ELECTRIC-TYPE POKEMON!
Elecktrike, lvl 12
Gender: Female
Nature: Modest
Ability: Lightningrod
HP: 33
Attack: 14
Defense: 25
Special Attack: 26
Special Defense: 17
Speed: 22
Oh, you've got to be kidding me! This fucker doesn't learn an Electric-type move that does damage until he's in the 20's?! Oh, that's fucked up.
You know, this Route is pretty long. I wonder where the other road takes me--
Wait...this connects to Route 103?? Holy shit! I can get back to Littleroot once I learn Surf!
Okay, let's train a bit and see what else we can find here...and then kill it.
Hey, you finally reached level 16! Now you can eat that Rare Candy and evolve!
...
...
...
...
You evolve at level 18, don't you? Son of a bitch--
Oh damn, girl! What you doin' all the way out here? You wanna see if you could battle me one more time--?
Oh fuck, I don't get a choice anymore. Damn, well, I guess she'll have to face the team I got now.
ROUND ONE:
Kevin's Aron, lvl 15 vs. May's Lombre, lvl 18
Shit, I think she came here to win, boys! We better get our shit together!
Aron, use Rock Tomb! Okay, that took out about 1/4 of the Lombre's health, but he's not in a good position--
Nature Power? Oh shit this could be bad--
It turned into Swift! Ha! Excellent! Only does one point of damage! Loving this high-ass Defense and Steel typing.
Headbutt that Mexican motherfucker! It's in the yellow now. Headbutt is looking like the way to go here.
Nature Power turns into Swift again...and Aron laughs at it again.
Another Headbutt has Lombre hanging on by a thread...just one more...
Okay, I knew it had to use Absorb at some point. We're down to 31/41 health, but he's only got a quarter of his health left.
One final headbutt takes Lombre out. Okay, so she should have a Torkoal and a Mudkip left...unless it evolved--
ROUND TWO:
Kevin's Wingull, lvl 16 vs. May's Marshtomp, lvl 20
Fuck, it evolved! And all of my Grass-type Pokemon are in the PC right now! Okay, Wingull...you're starting off hurt, so I'm gonna use this time to give you a Potion.
Marshtomp is using Bide! This is our golden opportunity! Growl at it twice so it wont do any damage, but will weaken the shit out of its Attack stat!
Now, since you're faster, use Supersonic!
Yes! It hit! And Marshtomp hurt itself! Gotta say, that is one dumb looking Pokemon...
Growl again...and it hurts itself.
Growl again!
Okay, it's no longer confused and it hits us with a Water Gun. Okay, it isn't too bad, but I'm not a fan of it.
Try a Water Gun of your own, Wingull!
And...that's really weak. Butts and dicks.
Marshtomp uses Water Gun and now Wingull is down to 21/41 health. Not bad, we still have about halfway to go. We need to try a new tactic.
Wing Attack...is not the best tactic, since that barely did anything. Must remember to bring a Grass-type--
FUCK! Critical hit from Water Gun and Wingull is down! I was hoping I wouldn't have to use anybody else for Marshtomp, but now I have to improvise...
ROUND THREE:
Kevin's Aron, lvl 16 vs. May's Marshtomp, lvl 20
Maybe the Steel-type will help--
Water Gun and a one-hit K.O. The Steel-type did not help at all.
ROUND FOUR:
Kevin's Ralts, lvl 15 vs. May's Marshtomp, lvl 20
Alright, let's just try to make sure this thing doesn't TPK us. Let's see what Confusion does--
But of course, Water Gun is going to hit first and bring Ralts down to 14/35...
Okay, Confusion took it into the yellow. That's all I could really ask of you, Ralts. Thank you.
One last Water Gun takes her out of the match. Okay...
ROUND FIVE:
Kevin's Slakoth, lvl 17 vs. May's Marshtomp, lvl 20
Alright, I wasted that Rare Candy on you too early...now earn the right to evolve!
Water Gun take Slakoth down to 30/51. Okay, she's got some endurance on her.
Cut takes Marshtomp down to about quarter health. Okay, this is manageable. Now, since Slakoth can't do shit this next turn, I'll take this time to heal her with one of those ridiculous fucking sodas.
Damn...completely did not account for Marshtomp being faster. Two Water Guns back-to-back and Slakoth is out. I've only got two left...the Elecktrike that doesn't know a single Electric-type attack yet and wouldn't be able to effect Marshtomp anyway, and...
ROUND SIX:
Kevin's Combusken, lvl 20 vs. May's Marshtomp, lvl 20
KICK IT! KICK IT QUICK BEFORE YOU DIE! DOUBLE KICK IT!
YAY! Double Kick is a knock-out! Now, since Torkoal is a Fire Pokemon, Combusken should have no problem--
ROUND SEVEN:
Kevin's Combusken, lvl 21 vs. May's Slugma, lvl 18
Woah! Hold the fucking phone! Do you mean to tell me that May can just switch out her Pokemon willy-nilly at any goddamned time?! Holy shit! I'm actually scared now! I have no idea what to expect from her from now on, but since she's been packing multi-types so far, this bitch is gonna be a handful down the road!
Let's try the Double Kick again...
YEAH! ONE-SHOT! KABOOM! DONE!
And she gives me an Itemfinder. Blue/Gary Oak/Fag-Bag told his sister not to give me a fucking Town Map...and May gives me an Itemfinder. You're a cool bitch, May. Just gotta find me a Pokemon Center now--
Gah, damn it! I'm really in a bad ways, but I gotta try to catch it...THERE! HAHA!
Minun, lvl 13
Gender: Female
Nature: Impish
Ability: Minus
HP: 39
Attack: 17
Defense: 19
Special Attack: 24
Special Defense: 30
Speed: 30
Well, you'll do in a pinch for an Electric-type, but I gotta find me a Plusle to go along with it.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SHITTY ELECTRIKES AND GULPINS I'VE SLAUGHTERED TO TRY TO FIND YOU--?!
Oh, Slakoth just reach Level 18. Well, that's great, but--
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Vigoroth, lvl 18
Ability: Vital Spirit
HP: 60
Attack: 39
Defense: 35
Special Attack: 28
Special Defense: 28
Speed: 39
Hey, now that you aren't a lazy piece of shit anymore...
...
...
...my retarded mother probably still needs some fucking help unloading her stuff off the moving truck. I mean, last time I was home, she was just having the Vigoroths pace back and forth while holding boxes. You might want to help out if we get the chance...'cause I'm like 90% sure she's retarded.
Also...definitely bringing a Grass-type with me from now on in some way, shape or form. That shit was unacceptable.
Combusken, lvl 21
Vigoroth, lvl 18
Aron, lvl 17
Wingull, lvl 16
Lombre, lvl 15
Elecktrike, lvl 15
Pokedex: 20, Badges: 2
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