There Are No Breaks Given In Hoenn

Rustboro City...the real real first city.  Let's check out what type this gym leader uses...

Rock? HA! Oh shit, girl, you done goofed up big-time! You think this is Kanto where ain't nobody getting a Water-type or Grass-type until Cerulean?! Girl, you about to get jacked! Look at this shit:

Do you think I fuck around when it comes to Pokemon?!?

DO YOU THINK I FUCK AROUND?!?!?!

That's right...but I'm gonna fuck around town for a bit.  I'll be right back.

Do yourself a favor...find this family.  You get to make the father yell things at her daughter.  Granted, you actually have to do some research online if you want to get the special Team Aqua PC box wallpaper.  It won't get you anything, but getting the father to yell, "DICKSANDBUTTS" at his daughter is fucking hysterical.

On the opposite end of the spectrum? This teacher:

Woah! WOAH! FUCKING WOAH! We're beating kids now?! WITH CLAWS?!? Jesus fucking Christ, dude! Granted, this is great for Slakoth, but fucking Jesus!

I...I don't want to fuck around anymore.

Rustboro City Gym: Roxanne, the Brock-sans-Cock

This should be fine.  I have a Wingull, a Shroomish, and a Lotad.  This should be easy enough for me to do a few bait-and-switches.

ROUND ONE:

Kevin's Slakoth, lvl 7     vs.     Roxanne's Geodude, lvl 12

Bait-and-switch!

Kevin's Lotad, lvl 9     vs.     Roxanne's Geodude, lvl 12

BRING IT, BITCH!

Defense Curl.  Instinctively smart, but it won't help you against a Special Attack--!

Rock Throw?! Damn, I'm in the deep red and Lotad is a lot slower than I thought he was!

Absorb!

Shit, he still has over half of his health.  Don't fail me now...

Absorb again?! WE'RE THE SAME SPEED! Holy shit! Geodude's in the deep red now...

Rock Throw misses! Oh, you done now, son--!

Roxanne used a fucking Potion?!? Oh, come on! There are no breaks in Hoenn.

Absorb takes Geodude down to 1/4 health...

And one more Absorb knocks him out! Ba-boom!

ROUND TWO:

Kevin's Slakoth, lvl 7     vs.     Roxanne's Geodude, lvl 12

Bait-and-switch!

Kevin's Shroomish, lvl 10     vs.     Roxanne's Geodude, lvl 12

I can't mess around now, since Lotad was apparently barely in Geodude's league.  Let's see what she's got!

Rock Throw with a critical hit...goddamn.  I got 4 Hit Points left and I know I'm faster than Geodude, so let's hope.

Absorb knocks Geodude down to less than half health and Shroomish recovers pretty heartily, so that's good--

Rock Tomb? What the fuck is Rock Tomb--?

OH SHIT! 2 HP left?!?! Alright, get ready for--

Potion on Geodude.  Serious...no breaks given in Hoenn; however, that's gonna line Geodude up for a beat-down.

Two Absorbs back-to-back and Geodude is no more! We've only got the last of Roxanne's Pokemon to deal with...her champion.  No way I'm gonna bait and switch here...gotta go all out.

ROUND THREE:

Kevin's Shroomish, lvl 10     vs.     Roxanne's Nosepass, lvl 15

That thing...I don't like it.  I don't like it or it's little boop-dee-boop dance.

It starts off with a Harden.  That isn't gonna help if I never use Tackle, lady.

Leech Seed! This is gonna be really important.  I have to really hammer away at this guy slowly but constantly.

Harden again.  Okay, so if it comes down to Slakoth or Torchic, I'm boned, but I still have Wingull as a last resort.

Absorb hits and drains Nosepass of over half it's HP...but then it immediately heals 10 HP with an Oran Berry?! Goddamn it! Ain't nobody gonna get a break over here!

Nosepass uses Block...which apparently keeps Shroomish from escaping or being switched out.  That's fine, 'cause Shroomish is in it to win it!

Stun Spore hits! If we can get this thing slowed, if not immobile, and health is being sapped every turn, it's in the bag.  Now, Shroomish should be at the top of the initiative order, so...

Absorb! Takes Nosepass down to 1/4 health.

Nosepass replies with Rock Tomb, and takes Shroomish down to yellow.  Come on, just hang in there...

Absorb...ugh, soooooo close! It's hanging on by a thread!

Rock Tomb knocks Shroomish down to only 9 HP.  I just hope I don't miss--

LEECH SEED! HA! LEECH SEED SUCKS THAT LAST BIT OUT OF NOSEPASS AND I GET THE STONE BADGE! BA-BOOM!

I do NOT fuck around!!!!! Now I can teach something Rock Tomb...and something else Cut!

Oh I'm gonna cut everything in sight--!

Team Aqua again? Ran off with Devon Corp. property? I'm on it! Which way did he go?

Route 116! Onward!

Torchic, lvl 12

Shroomish, lvl 12

Lotad, lvl 10

Wingull, lvl 8

Slakoth, lvl 8

Ralts, lvl 7

Pokedex: 7, Badges: 1