Who's This Douchebag?

Alright! I've arrived at the real first city, since this is the first city that actually has a gym.  Alright, Dad...let's do this thing.

Now, you shall witness the next generation of Pokemon trainer--!

Who the hell is this little shit-head, and why does he want your Pokemon?

Okay, I'll help this little bastard catch a Pokemon--

OH! This is the how-to-catch-a-Pokemon tutorial! Okay, I gotcha now.

SON OF A BITCH! Do you understand how long it took me to try to find a male Ralts?!? Ugh...fine.  Take it.  Don't care anymore.

Alright, Dad...now we can battle--

Oh...you...you don't think I'm ready to battle you yet.  Okay.  No, I get it.  That's understandable--

Who the hell are you?

Did you...did you literally just interrupt my gameplay to make fun of my clothes?!? Excuse me?! What the fuck is that all about?!?!

Ugh.  This fucking game...

Alright, where am I going now?

Route 104...that wanders into a dense-as-shit forest.  Viridian/Ilex much? Sounds about right to me.  At least there might be new wild Pokemon around.

Marill seems to be the only new one in this area, and I already have two Water-types in my current party.  Honestly, what would I do if I picked Mudkip? There seems to be a heavy abundance of Water-types in Hoenn.  Maybe the forest has some different types in there.

More fucking bugs...bugs that Harden...still bugs...OOH!

LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FEEEEEEEET! AWW, HE'S--

Holy shit, this dude's a beast! He's got an ability that causes a status effect on my Pokemon upon contact?! I'll take him!

Shroomish, lvl 5

Gender: Male

Nature: Rash

Ability: Effect SPore

HP: 21

Attack: 9

Defense: 11

Special Attack: 11

Special Defense: 9

Speed: 9

I have a very odd team right now.  I have a Fire-type, a Water/Flying-type, a Water/Grass type, a Grass-type, a Psychic-type, and a Dark-type.  This team is really unlike any other team I've ever had...especially since I don't even have any kind of Normal-type Pokemon yet.  I haven't even encountered one yet! Is that weird?

...

...

Yeah, I'm gonna say that's fucking weird--

Oh, now who's this douchebag?

OH SHIT! IT'S REAL! THERE'S A TEAM! Team Aqua...Water-types?

Nope.  Well...good for you, dude.  Mushroom is gonna fuck you up, stupid!

So, I rescued this guy from...the Devon Corportation--?

Oh shit, that's Arturo's dad's company!!!!!

Wait...do you not know Arturo? Do you not read "Wiggle Wiggle Break: An Iridescent Adventure"? Maybe you should.  You'd understand why that's relevant--

Hell yeah, Great Ball! I'm gonna use that to catch shit--

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Yep.  Definitely yep.

Slakoth, lvl 5

Gender: Female

Nature: Quirky

Ability: Truant

HP: 22

Attack: 12

Defense: 11

Special Attack: 9

Special Defense: 9

Speed: 8

I'm gonna raise you to be the face of destruction itself! However, I already have a full party, so I gotta drop the dog off to let you in on the fun.

Alright, I'm out the other end of the forest and I have one good point and one bad point to make.

Good Point: Double Battles

Holy shit, these are exciting! Gah! Whole new strategies! Multi-target moves! Can't exploit the experience loop-holes! I mean, they would be great for EV training...but you usually start EV training after you beat the game, and there's no way to control what Pokemon the trainers have, so unless you have a strategy guide, it doesn't quite work.  Still, I love this shit.

Bad Point: Them Berries

There...are...way...too...many...berries.

I remember when a berry that healed 10 HP was called a Berry.  Now, I have to remember that it's an Oran Berry.  This is going to be arduous trying to keep track of all of them...fortunately, though, they gave me a whole section of the bag just for berries.

God, they added so much shit to this game.

Torchic, lvl 12

Wingull, lvl 8

Lotad, lvl 8

Shroomish, lvl 8

Ralts, lvl 7

Slakoth, lvl 5

Pokedex: 7, Badges: 0